Most of us are the unproud owners of at least one destructive pattern, usually over relationships or money and we have most certainly inherited from our elders, which is extremely unfair but unfortunately that doesn’t change the fact that we have them. Now don”t misunderstand me, none of our parents or grandparents ever wanted us to inherent these patterns, they”ve got them the same way and usually don’t even know that they’ve got them! But what ever we or in this case they had within them, they”ve passed on to us and we will pass it on to our children should we choose not to do anything about them. It is as I said extremely unfair, but it is up to each generation to brake their patterns or not. Now I have never had any client who danced with joy over the news that they had a destructive pattern (I didn”t dance either, when I was told) but to accept the fact that you have it and see the consequences of it, is the fifirst and most important step on the path of getting rid of it! How do you recognize a destructive pattern? Well if all your relationships fail because of the same issues, if all your partners seem to be secretive twins, then you have a destructive pattern and for as long you have it, you will keep on meeting only partners who brings the same problems and issues into the relationship. If you have very well laid plans for success in your work and/or your fifinances and they never come true, if there”s always some obstacle turning up that makes the whole thing fall through, then you also have a destructive pattern who forbids you to achive what you want. Many people has both patterns and therefor won”t allow themselves success neither in their work nor in their personal life”s. It”s very easy in that case, weather you have both or “only” one of these patterns, to see yourself as ”a victim of circumstances” but this is about the most dangerous and destructive thing you can do to yourself! To place yourself in the part of ”victim of circumstances out of my control” is to throw away every chance you”ve got to do anything about your situation! Of course you”ll get sympathy (at least at fifirst) and less demands on your person to achive anything as a victim, but you”ll soon fifind out that peoples patience with a constant victim is limited…and if you persist in your victim role, you”ll soon fifind out that you”re a very lonely person, sitting there in your corner constantly reminding whoever comes along that life is a bad job. Also, as I said before, to keep up a professional victim part, is to unhand yourself every chance to do any change at all in your life for the better! When you choose the role of a victim, more or less permanently you”ve also invited bitterness in to a company you in your life and mind you, bitterness has never meant anything positive for anyone! Not for the one who has it, nor for the ones who are exposed to it! I always fear the ”tales of success” who ever so often turns up, over how someone, fifilled with bitterness and anger, over the circumstances they”re brought up in has dedicated their life to change these circumstances and (of course) with all that dedication, have succeeded in doing so. So far so good, you have both my applause and my admiration of your good work!But it never ends there, does it…? There”s never that happily ever after unless that person lays down as much work and dedication into letting go off all that anger and bitterness who drove them to their achievement! These feeling never vanishes by themselves, just because the goal has been won! On the contrary, they stubbornly remain, leaving the one who”ve done the job with a very depressing feeling and confusement over ”why they don”t feel more happy and content now” ”why isn”t it enough, this was my dream” and on and on to the sinking feeling of ”it wasn”t worth it”. A person in these circumstances is very hard to live with, the very people who he(or she) worked himself half to death for, so they should have a better life, more chances in life than he himself had, fifinds themselves the goals of all his anger and bitterness. The demands he has on them and the amount of gratitude he craves, are inhuman and can never be fulfifilled. Because and this goes for all of us, whoever or where ever we are, the minute we place the reason or circumstance for our well being and happiness outside ourselves, we are stomping on very thin ice! When we put demands or expectations on to another person, we”ve both unhanded us the possibility of changes or even having and inflfluence over our own lives. We”ve given up our own responsibility of our lives and we have also put a rather large and heavy burden on the shoulders of the one we claim to love. To let another person have that much power over your life, is very dangerous…that is a power none should have over another human being and to freely give up that power, is one of the most stupid things we can ever do. We should never be with another person because we need them, but because they are our greatest joy to be with. Also clinging to a relationship who has fifilled it”s purpose, comes rather high on the list of ”how can I see to always being utterly unhappy in my life”. When a relationship has a distinctive purpose (and mind you, I don”t say that all of them have!) it could be children who has chosen these two for their parents. A wisdom or knowledge to gaine, an education to take who hadn”t been done without the support and love of the other one or what ever the purpose might be, when it”s for fifilled, the reason for the relationship is over! Anything beyond that is mouth to mouth treatment, please people…leave that to the drowning or other medical emergency situations! Draw the conclusion that there”s nothing left and allow both yourself and your partner to move on to the chance of fifinding happiness in your lives. Even if there are children, or especially if you have children, no child on this earth has gained on living with two parents who has nothing but icy silence to share! Whenever I hear ”we live together because of the children” I get frustrated, because it”s like being brought up in a frigidaire! And when I ask these parents if this really is the knowledge they want their children to have, the point of wiew they want them to have about how a relationship should be, I”ve never yet gotten a valid answer. Because right there we”re back to the destructive patterns…our children gets mold into the roles and ways of our relationships, we are their role models and if we let them grow up in the belief that it”s better to stay in a dead and draining relationship than to brake up, then that”s exactly what they”re going to do…and thereby passing on the same miserable view of life and love to their own offspring, creating a never ending negative circle. However these patterns can be broken, you can get rid of them.This is some of the things I”ve been working with all these years, helping people stop focusing on all that”s negative in their lives, build up a good and sound self esteem and a stable inner ground to stand on and fifinding and braking destructive patterns and also letting go of fears and internal trials. This is what I do, I help people allow themselves to achive what they want in life, to be all they can be, to feel good about themselves and allow themselves not to live their life in fear or letting fear decide their choices and run or ruin there lives! You might wonder why I keep ranting about fears…isn”t it a good thing to be afraid of at least some things in life? No, it”s a good thing to have respect towards certain things in life, so that one doesn”t think it might be a good idea to dive head fifirst from the highest point of Niagara Falls or skinny dip in a tank full of barracudas, but there”s a world of difference between being afraid of something and have a sound respect for them and use ones common sense! I said it before and I say it again, fear is the one thing that can poison every single thing in our life! Who can stop us from what ever we are supposed or meant to be or do.When we let fear make our choices, we”ve thrown away a possibility of happiness, of achieving what we want most of all to do. When we make our decisions based on our fears, we”ve seen to never reach the result we aimed for